Chop, Chop, Chop
by PotterheadAna02
Summary: Sirius is made to cut his hair for James and Lily's wedding and hilarity ensues. Fun guaranteed! Won Third in 'My Boring Life' competition.


Disclaimer: All rights belong to JKR. All lefts to me, heh.

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><p><strong>Written for My Boring Life Challenge by alyssialui.<strong>

**Challenge-Write a fic on 'Sirius gets a haircut'.**

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><p>Sirius Black was sure that if Cupid floated somewhere near him now, he would personally <em>Crucio<em> the wretched creature.

It was the day when his best friend James Potter was to marry the love of his life, Lily Evans. Sirius personally liked the idea of love on all other days, but today, just because James was in love with Lily, he had to cut his glorious long mane.

It was a catastrophe.

Sirius had painstakingly grown his hair past his ears and now tied them up in a ponytail which when opened grazed his shoulder blades at the top. He proudly swished his hair at his friends' faces whenever he proved a point in front of them and even started giving Lily tips on how to groom her hair. That particular little talk had ended with Sirius receiving stinging scratches along his arm.

Then, the wedding day.

Lily had let James decide the venue and events, but put her foot down on certain issues, most important of them being what she called 'the monstrosity of Sirius's hair'. Her only condition on letting Sirius attend the wedding as the best man was him getting his hair cut. James tried to play the pacifist between the two and the conversation had gone something like this:

"_Lily, let him tie his hair up. No one will even notice him, they'll all be looking at how beautiful you look and he will be in the sidel-"_

_Glare._

"_Okay, I'll talk to him."_

"_..."_

"_Sirius, just imagine, it's going to be a hot day, if you chop off your hair, you'll feel breezy and won't be sweating and stinky at the end, eh?"_

"_No. My hair, my life."_

"_Well, you do know that most ladies like men with short hair and hair certainly not longer than __theirs__, so how will I ever set you up with your sweetheart?"_

"_Tell your missus to boss you, not me."_

"_Padfoot, you listen to me once and for all times to come till she becomes Lily Potter. I love that woman and I want to marry her. I want __you__ to give us a toast __and__ be my best man, so at the risk of me personally doing the honour of mowing off that hideous mop on your head, go ahead. Don't cut your hair. But I will never forgive you if my wedding day doesn't go the way I want it to."_

Brother had glared at brother for a while before Sirius sighed and coughed, "Whipped", promptly earning a smack on his head by his bespectacled friend. Shrugging, he announced, "Ah, the sacrifice a man has to make, even if _he_ isn't is in love." Waving pompously at the amused James, he swirled rapidly and stalked off, his hair whipping James in the face.

After a while, his surge of brotherly love had died down and he scowled helplessly as Remus sat him down on a chair, pumping his leg up and down furiously.

"Sirius...be still," Remus spoke with infinite patience, a pair of scissors in his hand while Peter Pettigrew helped James with his coat in the adjacent room.

_Snip._

"You know, I bet she'll make him make me become less of a Marauder once she becomes a Potter. That woman is intent upon making me into a girl," Sirius grumbled.

Remus frowned, "That's Lily you're talking about, Padfoot."

Rolling his eyes, Sirius mumbled, "Yes, she has a heart of gold and is good for James and all...but still, she's like the annoying sister I never had!"

"Now be quiet and don't fidget."

_Snip._

"Oh, I can feel my _manhood_ sapping away."

"Sirius."

"Okay."

_Snip._

"Maybe I should cut _her_ hair as repayment!" Sirius clapped his hand on his thigh and Remus jumped.

_SNIP._

"Um."

"What, Remus?"

"How would you like a brand new, original haircut?"

"I guess it'll be okay enough. I'll plot the demise of her hair in the meanwhile!"

_Snip. Chop, chop, chop. Snip. Snip._

"Done already?"

"Wait, before you look into the mirror...I want you to repeat after me. 'Remus Lupin is my brother. Lily Evans is a new member of our family. James loves her, so I love her too.' Come on, say it."

"Moony, are you going Loony? Ha, how bad can it-EVANS!"

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><p>Sirius grimaced as a gust of wind caressed his neck now exposed to the elements after almost a year of protection under his glossy curtain. His hair fell in choppy amateurish locks onto his forehead and tickled the top of his earlobe in what had been a hasty attempt to cover up the big cutting of a bunch of his hair by Remus. Rising, he clinked a spoon against his glass and everyone looked at him.<p>

"Hey, people. We are gathered here to celebrate the marriage of my brother, my comrade-in-arms, my best friend James Potter, and the woman who ensnared his heart, Lily Evans...Potter, now. Many may not know this, but I was his wingman back in Hogwarts and basically, they owe their happiness to me. You're welcome, by the way. James, take care of this lovely woman here, you lucky rascal. Keep her happy or Remus and I will slam your guts out and Peter will punch you down, eh Pete? Alright, I'll tone it down, don't pulverise me with your glares. Geez, haven't even been married an hour and already ganging up! Lily, keep my brother safe from harm and love him to bits, every single day. He deserves it. Wow, don't cry now, you'll ruin your makeup! Not that you needed it anyway, really. Ah, there's your smile! We'd begun to miss it. Okay, I'll wrap this up now, my knees hurt. Stay strong. Stay together, because...well, then you'll each have your back always. All my love to you two. To James and Lily!"

Grinning, he sat down and everyone cheered. Then, people started moving to the dance floor following the enthusiastic newlyweds. Sirius lounged back in his chair, surveying the crowd. He caught the eye of a slim blonde, sashaying her way to the dance floor by herself. She looked at him and smiled, pointing to his head and giving him a thumbs-up. He smirked and pointed to the empty space beside her. She shrugged and cocked an eyebrow cheekily at him. Beaming, he got up and straightened his tuxedo. Ruffling his hair, he strode to the lady.

Maybe Cupid wasn't that bad after all.

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><p>Reviews are highly appreciated.<p> 


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